Babies just aren’t for me.

This doesn’t mean I hate children, nor do I mind them. I used to work at an ice cream stand, and kids were often my best customers. I loved their faces lighting up when they saw the rainbow sprinkles on their chocolate-vanilla swirls. Cherry-on-top Sundays always healed skinned knees and hurt feelings. Root beer and cream soda floats for the whole family as the sun was setting on a muggy day is the very definition of good times and unity.

There was one kid who ordered a strange flavor fusion. When he came back a few weeks later, he wanted the same combo, but couldn’t quite remember what it was.

“Orange, cotton candy, and mint, right?” I asked.

His eyes got wide and his smile was even wider, “Yes!”

His male guardian looked at me, “How can you remember that?”

I grinned, “It’s not an order I could forget”.

This was vastly better than many of brooding single adults, or wild couples, who loved to blow smoke in my face, swear at me, make out and grope with their latest conquest (like we can’t see you even though it’s dark) and return orders because their milkshake wasn’t quite thick enough. The stand I worked at was in a party area on the lake, with many bars nearby, so this was to be expected, I suppose.

Worst of all were the parents who would belittle and “correct” their male children for choosing a pink or purple golf ball (along with ice cream, it was also the same stand to get your clubs and balls for the putt-putt course). I hated seeing sexuality and gender placed on a couple of colors.

Of course there were asshole kids as well. A group of preteens thought it was funny to keep hitting the golf balls into the side of the building, hoping to break a window for their parents to pay for, evidently.

But all -in-all, kids don’t really bother me. However, they aren’t my responsibility, either.

I believe that, even in today’s society, children can still bog women down. Mothers lose life experience, education, and finances upon bearing children. They also find themselves tied to whomever helped them conceive, a fate my sisters know all too well.

Divorcing with children is not the perfect do-over that many would like it to be. My siblings still fight with their exes over the children, frequently going back to court over custody, and whether they can take the child out of a school district, or even out of state. They are controlled by someone they had unprotected sex with, and a court system that can never really, honestly know what’s best for the children.

Appropriately, I have fear of being bound to motherhood. It doesn’t help that I also have a mother who consistently complains about being a Mom.

“I would have been able to go to college and see the world if it wasn’t for a man and you kids”.

Harsh, isn’t it?

I know that women do work and have kids too; my boss has 3 small children, and she says they are the best thing that have ever happened to her.

She also says she thought she loved her husband until she had her kids; now she knows what real love is.


Personally, I don’t want to bring something into this world that would make me love my partner less.

I also don’t want to bring something into this world, period. I don’t have the resources, nor the mentality for such a feat. Besides, I’m really enjoying not having children. Coming from a big family, I hadn’t the opportunity to figure myself out. Learning who I am is very important to me, and I don’t want a small, screaming, hungry flesh pile to distract me from that.

In contrast, people around me are always talking about having babies, or grand-babies, and asking when you plan to have yours. I have a co-worker who won’t shut up about his pregnant wife and current toddler. Given my familial perspective on it, it makes me sick to my stomach when I hear a woman is pregnant or just had a kid.

Why would she do that to herself?

In my opinion, whether people have children to continue their DNA, because people or religion told them to, because they want something to love, or just for the fun of it, it’s not an endless basket of rewards that I hear so many people say that it is. It’s a stressful responsibility of creating a functioning member of society that hopefully doesn’t grow up to hate you or disappoint you.

And some people are fine with that. And those are the people who should be parents, given other circumstances of preparedness as well.

As for me, I truly envision my future being child-free, even into old age.  Others may claim that the clock is ticking and the water is warm, but time and temperature sensation are rather relative.

I’m not missing anything. When I see that family sitting on the park bench with their floats, talking and laughing and wiping the smallest one’s chin, I see it as art; not a goal.


4 thoughts on “I’m Not Baby Crazy

  1. Well-written! I’m glad you shared your position the way you did–that your desire to NOT have kids doesn’t mean all other women should have the same lack of desire, but that just because others do desire to have kids doesn’t mean you should be pressured into it. Even though I am an advocate for motherhood, I totally get your position. You are right when you say that being a mom is NOT a fairy tale of joy and love and pride in your offspring and confidence that your parenting will prove to be perfect. It’s NOT! Oi! There’s a reason I only have one child!
    I also like this reason you gave:
    “Coming from a big family, I hadn’t the opportunity to figure myself out. Learning who I am is very important to me, and I don’t want a small, screaming, hungry flesh pile to distract me from that.”
    Large family of origin or not, I would say it is critical for a woman to figure her own self out long before she becomes responsible for helping another person (a baby) figure themselves out! Of course, we won’t get that figuring out completely done on our own; most likely, it takes having a spouse and/or a child. (I know I had some major wake-up calls post marriage and birthing.)
    So, all that to say thank you for not bashing motherhood but for adding a much needed pinch of salt into the sugar bowl! Hopefully, women will get a more realistic perspective about being a mother, instead of thinking it’s all sunny days in the park and ice cream cones! 😉


    1. Thank you so much for your very thorough feedback! I agree that no one can completely prepare themselves for parenthood, but it’s vital to understand some of the harsh realities of child-rearing while considering the prospect. I also concur that having an only is a great choice for many families. Unfortunately, having only one child is often frowned upon by society, as I’m sure you’re aware. Thanks again for stopping by! 🙂


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